The Grammys: A Running Commentary

7:58pm
Oh my God, I can't believe I'm about to watch the Police perform in real(-ish) time! If they're going on tour this summer, there's no way I'm not gonna see it in person. Get out the shrimp cocktail and Triscuits (Rosemary & Olive Oil, of course), they're about to take the stage!

8:07pm
What? More Police!!! I can't believe they only did one song! Are they coming back later? Puh-leeeeeez?


Oh, you're kidding me. JT gets to perform more than once? Just because of a stupid contest? Ick. And how the heck are we supposed to know which of those look-alike chicks to vote for without having the chance to hear them first? Or was I supposed to be doing my homework all week? It's a little too much effort (and JT) for me.

Ummmm... didn't John Mayer have a mega-hit back in 2001? Why is he being introduced as a newbie right now? I'm confused...


9:05pm
Shakira f-in' hip-checks Beyoncé right outta the city. I can't believe this is her first Grammy performance. I could watch her dance all night... But I never noticed that they just throw in random spanish phrases (until just now when Stevie pointed it : como se ama; bonita; mi casa; burrito; domino. (Okay, that last bit is an inside joke so only about 4 people are gonna get it. But trust me, it's funny).

9:20pm
Cee-lo just tripped down the stairs - ha! That's what he gets for trying to turn his hit into a military march. Or maybe it's just as Steve said: "He probably can't see for shit with those sunglasses on. Plus he's fat." Ouch. But I never will get sick of this song - it's definitely this year's Feel Good, Inc. for me.

9:25pm
Okay, I'm not a hip-hop follower much, but I had no idea Pharrell even had a release this past year. Wouldn't it be funny if it had won?

9:36pm
It's Mary! It's Mary! One of the only people whom I truly feel is sincere in her "Thank God/the Lord/Jesus my savior/etc." speeches. The rest of y'all "Thanks to the Father" bullshitters going out and doing the most un-holy things and making no effort to be good people are so transparent. And did I mention my disain for the ones who get on soapboxes during their acceptance speeches? Heh...

9:43pm
He-heh! I've never cared about the country awards before, but who can deny the Dixie Chicks? These girls have talent, integrity, and Rick Reuben. 'Nuff said.

9:47pm
I wonder what they've got up their sleeves for next year's 50th Anniversary Grammys...

9:54pm
Colitas: according to Eagles manager, Irving Azoff: in 1976, during the writing of the song 'Hotel California' by Messrs. Henley and Frey, the word 'colitas' was translated for them by their Mexican-American road manager as 'little buds.'

10:01pm
Will someone please ask Imogen Heap to put the shrubbery back outside?

10:12pm
It would have been so awesome if Lionel had done Dancin' on the Ceiling. I'd ever heard of Chris Brown before tonight - I watched the E! Red Carpet show for a bit and he walked it with his little nephew. He must have been about 4 years old. But when I heard that Chris himself is barely more than a half-pint at only 17, I was interested in checking out his performance. I already forgot the song, despite that he just finished, but what awesome dancing!

10:20pm
RIP James Brown. Christina didn't even annoy us for once.

10:40pm
Oh yeah! I love Earth Wind & Fire! There's a CD that's about to come out that is a compilation of various artists covering and reinterpreting classic EW&F songs: Interpretations: Celeb Earth Wind & Fire

10:42pm
I'm having flashbacks to being in the photo pit at Coachella 2006 and trying to avoid looking at the purple panties that some fan had thrown up during the previous set on that stage. The tag attached read, "I love you James!" God, I hope they were clean.

10:53pm
Jennifer Hudson should have performed tonight. That's what she gets for not choosing a singular name. I guess Bee-yon-say sounds more impressive. Poo. And now Justin's on that stage again... um... hi. Did anyone bother telling the Grammy coordinators that The Police are in the neighborhood? Maybe we'd love to hear about 3 or 10 more songs from them? I dunno. Maybe it's just me.

11:08pm
WOO-HOO! I mean, "Hey-oh!" The second best performance of the night - RHCP. I don't care that they sound the same all the time. The same for them is so much better than what most everyone else is putting out there. Seriously. Care to debate? Bring it.

11:14pm
Best Rock Album - for my dad! Okay, there were a couple I care about, including a nod to the indie (and now label-less) Raconteurs. And I have to say that I'm pleased with the winners: Red Hot Chili Peppers. Not that I have anything against Tom Petty or Neil Young, but these albums weren't Grammy-worthy. Let's face it: they were nominated based on the artists' careers and not the merits of the specific project. Typical story at these awards ceremonies.

I hate the way these awards shows end. It's so anti-climactic. Give us a big finale performance, something to leave us wanting more! What kind of showmanship is this with some actress (yes, I know it's Scarlett Johansen) - not even a music person - oh yeah, she's about to record a CD (was that for real?) - just hunching over the mic saying sayonara? Take us out with a song. Like another one from THE POLICE!!!